Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
