Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
