38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
