going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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