she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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