i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
