i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
