At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
