We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
