addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
