I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
