go do what you do best...puke behind churches
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
