why didn't you poke me back
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
