youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
