I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
