Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
