if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
