Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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