I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
