I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
