I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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