Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
