She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
