Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
