I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
