I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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