I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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