About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
