How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What drink are we having for lunch?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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