You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
