The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
