I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
