I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
