I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
