I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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