Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
