i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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