Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
