you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
