That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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