Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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