We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
