no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
