I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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