Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
