I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
