So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
