yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
