Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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