Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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