he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
