A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
