I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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