i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So. Much. Porn.
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