is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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