The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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