what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
