I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
