i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
